Week 34 2024: August 19-25

• I struggled to let myself receive healing and let go. Why? Partly because there were so many people, and I didn’t want to take something away from someone else. And possibly because I felt the need to “stay strong” and “hold it together.” But on Saturday night, I couldn’t hold it in any longer and found allies to cry with. • Seeing others express their individual gifts has encouraged me to do the same and explore where my intuition takes me—whether it’s starting a light language podcast or establishing local community events outside of ceremonies. I’m calling this “devotion to authentic self-expression.” • I’m still committed to learning how to help people through shamanic practices. At one point during Friday night, I looked around and thought, “This is a lot of work, and it’s hard work. Do you really want to do this? Will you ever be capable?” For now, I’ve chosen to continue my learning journey, trusting that I will build up the skills and experience to a point where it won’t seem so overwhelming. • I’ve always had mixed emotions about my love of being on stage. When I did my stand-up comedy showcase, it felt like home, but I didn’t pursue it further because I thought it was a self-centered activity, something to be ashamed of wanting. This weekend, I met someone who works in entertainment, and I asked for guidance. What he shared shifted my perspective: Yes, the ego shows up, but so what? If you’re aware of it, you can dial it up or down as needed. More importantly, performing is about communing with the audience, removing yourself from the equation so you can fully transmute into a character, a song, a movement, and create a communion with the audience. That idea resonates with me, and I’ll be contemplating it in the coming weeks as I assess if and how I may wish to “perform” moving forward. (I wonder how that self-limiting belief even took root in me…) • Music has always played a big role in my life, from audio cassettes in the Walkman to CDs in the Discman, to mp3s in the iPod, and now Apple Music. I have a soundtrack for every era of my life. Right now, RY X has made a comeback. He’s been around since 2015, but a recent interview gave me a deeper understanding of why I feel so connected to his music. (I’ve linked the interview below.) I’ve even booked a ticket to his show in March 2025. He’s actually playing in my neighborhood! So, my insight is to reconnect with music whenever I feel disconnected from myself.