Welcome to the Human Prototype blog, a space where the past and present converge to showcase the evolution of a life in progress. Inspired by my TEDx talk, "I am a Prototype," this blog is part of a broader journey of transformation through journaling, capturing the essence of living as a perpetual prototype. Each week, during 2024, I reviewed my archives from 2016, contrasting journal scans filled with drawings against the backdrop of my current experiences.
Looped and Locked in Time
Then: Mar 28-Apr 3, 2016 & Now: Mar 25-31st, 2024
As I review the 6th week of my journal, I continue to find it extremely mundane—covering the same topics every week—yet fascinating to see how some activities evolve. However, this week, the entry marking my brother’s 40th birthday served as an electric jolt. Is there a hidden pattern across the last 8 years to be discovered?
CrossFit: I did my first handstand push-ups—a cool trick I was thrilled to learn and would continue practicing for the next six years.
Emotions: Monday was filled with grumpiness and anger about various things. Fortunately, I turned to yoga that evening—a wise decision, indeed. My yoga practice has since transformed significantly. Initially, it was an extension of the CrossFit ethos, pushing harder and harder. Now, my practice is about connecting with my body (I find myself in my head most of the time) and finding peace amidst London's frenzy. Success in yoga is no longer about having the most beautiful form but rather about ego dissolution and celebrating progress. (I’m not there yet and this might be a forever quest!)
I noted a date with Dave, who was leaving Dubai. Strangely, I can't recall Dave at all—too many dates or just a bad memory?
I also mentioned making some T-shirts, possibly the birth of the "I am a prototype" shirt that led me here, sharing this journey with you. Incredible.
Another milestone: my brother turned 40. We just celebrated his 48th yesterday. This evokes a strange feeling, highlighting the passage of time more tangibly than ever before. Since then, with the growing number of fine lines around my eyes marking the transition from my early 30s to my 40s, and my brother nearing the end of his, time's passage feels all too real.
Reflecting on 2016 feels like stepping into a time capsule—memories that feel like it was yesterday, colliding with the realization that nearly a decade has passed.
Here I am, living in a different country, but seemingly in a loop—working on the same type of projects, doing the same type of exercising, watching the same TV shows. Yes, I’m tuning into Grey's Anatomy Season 20.
And as such, I can easily predict my future: a continuation of the loop. And Just like my mum’s husband, who is watching the 37th season of The Bold and The Beautiful, I’ll be watching Greys Anatomy forever.
Nothing inherently wrong with that routine, but, boy, life is too short and invaluable for this.
But then, what’s the alternative? How much change is realistically achievable, and to what end?
Do I want to be doing something else? Quite likely, yes.
Do I wish to be elsewhere at this moment? Probably not. I’m profoundly grateful for every breath that has led me to where I am today, including this very moment of deep realization that I've been letting life drift by, in a repetitive cycle.
Yet here I am, racing on my self-made hamster wheel. The scenery may change, but the underlying mechanics are the same.
What systemic shift might I need to uncover what life has in store for me? And how might I leverage my time for a greater purpose?
On a tangential note, I just came back from 10 days in France, which was another trip back to memory lane. Particularly in the supermarkets where everything seemed so much more familiar than in the UK, where everything even looked tastier.
Overall, this trip to France brought me back to my time living there, reawakening memories from my childhood, as I took my niece and nephew to school; memories of work, as I listened to my brother recount his day; and memories of a life without subtitles, where I am able to communicate effortlessly and understand the unsaid codes formed through the collective ether.
I even bought a few esoteric books in French, by French authors, challenging the notion that the wisdom in this field only belong to the Anglophone world. Yes, I had and still have a certain disdain for my culture - between my French and Dutch heritage. Am I slowly reconnecting with my whole self?
Interestingly, I’ve just been selected for jury duty in the UK—perhaps a sign of winning at the game of integration?
Back to my earlier realization that I'm perpetuating a pattern I fear, I ask: what is the alternative?
We’re amid a powerful eclipse season, with Mercury Retrograde approaching—a perfect time for introspection and realignment. Stay tuned and buckle up.
Hear the journey: There's a unique intimacy in spoken words—a warmth and immediacy that text alone may not convey. In my weekly audio commentary, I share reflections both deep and light-hearted, offering a companion piece to the visual and written narrative.
Companion Links: Extend Your Journey
- Learn more about the current Eclipse Season and Mercury Retrograde
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Together, let's embrace the beauty of becoming, the intrigue of what was, and the promise of what is yet to come.
